Well, okay, the following was written, more or less as a joke, and I didn't have the courage to post it for the longest time(you may wish that situation had remained that way). The chatter before, and during, the disclaimer dates from when I wrote it, and I couldn't resist leaving it in (there's a pretty fair chance it's more entertaining than the story-I think I'm stalling, btw). The first part was written by her blondness to intro it to someone she'd promised to show the story to. Okay, I'll shut up now…PB (the rabbity half of this partnership)

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The following is the story I commented on. The one that her cowardliness refuses to post. Have I mentioned that she has an extremely sick sense of humor?

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Okay, this is PB here...the other half of this Mutt and Jeff act that has become my email address. Somebody recently posted the story idea "what would have happened if Xena and Gabby had met while X was still a warlord?" Well, that person may come to regret that, because I really couldn't resist the likely answer to the question (I'm gonna get killed--I know this--but I warned ****** that I am NO good at keeping my mouth shut, and never could resist a bad joke, and I'm a really bad person anyway--and definitely stalling here). Somebody else threw out an idea for a story title (yep, I'm dead), so I sorta stole it, and--well flipped it around and--I'm definitely stalling again. Okay, P.B. courage---what can they do to you (please, no one answer than question). Really, it's all a bit of black humor, nothing more than that. I should never be taken seriously...never...ever...not even a little bit.

Disclaimer: If you're hoping for sex, soorrrrry--cuz you won't find it here. This story is also lacking in plot, any great reason for existence, and its primary saving grace is the fact that it's short, very short, in fact, there are probably fewer actual words in the story than there are in the Author's notes and Disclaimer. The characters of Xena and Gabrielle, by the way, don't belong to me, they belong to MCA and Renaissance Pictures, and I am lowlife, thieving scum for using them is such a base way (damn, I'm definitely stalling again--or maybe I'm just hoping my playwriting teacher's theory that anything can be funny if repeated at least three times is true--if you're laughing, you won't kill me [note from her blondness: only one problem with that theory kiddo. These are Xena fans, and Xena often kills with a smile on her face] Yep, I'm dead).

NOT SO GUILTY PLEASURES

By The Rabbit in Pink Rabbit (in the interest of not blaming her partner for this)

The smell of smoke floated across the village of Poteidaia, and continued to rise from the smoldering remains of the fifteen or twenty building that had marked the center of trade for the area. The surviving citizens of the town were clumped together, guarded the same rough looking lowlifes, who had ridden down on them, bringing fire and destruction.

Xena stared across her newly conquered property, mouth turning up in a feral smile. It turned to a frown as one of them stumbled forward, her strawberry blonde hair flying behind her. "You can't do this," the little peasant swore as she hit the ground on her hands and knees. Without getting up, she launched into a long, complicated series of reasons why Xena couldn't do what she'd already done, that included a lecture on the gods, history, and possibly personal hygiene.

Xena shook her head as she stared at the peasant with an expression of bemused disbelief. She didn't like words, never particularly had, and this girl was the single mouthiest human being she'd ever had the mischance of running across. She was pretty enough, which should fetch a decent price at the market--unless, of course, she opened that mouth. What man would buy a woman who talked that much--particularly if he was already married. It would be like having two wives. By the gods, she was still talking. Xena was rapidly coming to believe she'd never shut up...

A few of the other peasants looked like they were taking courage from their comrade's babbling. She'd have to end that edge of rebellion quickly. Xena shoved a booted foot against the chattering woman's shoulder, knocking her onto her backside. Yes, this one would be scant sacrifice to get the others to fall in line. A toothy smile curved Xena's generous mouth. "You really should have kept your mouth shut," she advised cheerfully, and reached for the sword strapped across her back.

Short minutes later, Xena finished cleaning her sword and strode away, confident that the peasants were now thoroughly cowed.

All in a day's work for Xena: Warrior Princess.

THE END

Author's final note: It's just a joke--really--I'm just kidding. Xena would never kill Gabrielle, I don't hate Gabrielle--really, I like her a lot. I just couldn't resist. It's meant to be a very black comedy...and...and... All I ask, is please don't kill me...please...

[Hmmm...I feel like I should be chanting "Kill her, kill her." On the other hand, it's hard to get ticked at somebody who's pleading that hard…]

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There you have it...still think this is a good idea? Hey, give me credit, at least I cut the part where Gabrielle's head went bouncing down the road to the tune of thwocketa, thwocketa sound effects (whoops, I think I'd better go now--that gathering crowd looks mean). PB (rabbit running for the hills)

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