By Janine

DISCLAIMER: All the characters, Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, Giles, Xander, Faith etc. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., and Warner Bros. I'm just borrowing their brilliant creations. I intend no copyright infringement from my use of their characters, and will receive no monetary or any other compensation for their use, in any form, of the story that succeeds.
GENRE: Buffy/Cordelia
POVE-mail: jbstories@hotmail.com
By: Janine


It was a cold night by Sunnydale standards, a long sleeves and pants sort of night. It was cooler at the beach than in town, causing Buffy and Cordelia to snuggle under a blanket for warmth. Buffy had been released from the hospital three days earlier, and Cordelia the day after that. Between the police questioning them about the explosion, and Cordelia's parents going a quality time kick it had been difficult for the two of them to spent time together. Finally, they had managed to get out of their respective homes and spend some time together.

"All I'm saying is, what good is a monkey with no tail? I mean it's basically just a baboon and nobody likes baboons. It wouldn't even be able to swing from trees anymore, it'd just be this pathetic ass monkey wannabe," Buffy said looking at the stars. It was really a beautiful night out, she was glad they had come out.

"All monkeys have tails so it's a pointless discussion. Besides some people like baboons," Cordelia responded.

"Nobody likes baboons. That's why we have the saying 'you stupid baboon!'. Besides just think about what would happen if something did happen to the monkeys tail. I'm thinking it'd be looking at some pretty hard times," Buffy said.

"Why are we talking about monkeys?" Cordelia asked, suddenly realizing the idiocy of their conversation. They were talking about the imaginary life of a monkey who hypothetically lost it's tail in some unrevealed incident.

"You started it."

"No I didn't," Cordelia said. She was certain she would have remembered bringing up monkeys. They weren't exactly a common subject of conversation with her.

"Yes you did. You said something about Principal Snyder, which of course got me thinking about ass monkeys, hence the conver," Buffy explained. Cordelia thought about that for a moment before shrugging. She didn't even want to chance getting back on the subject of monkeys.

"Is your mother freaking as much as my parents are about the whole 'being trapped in a building that had just blown up' thing?" Cordelia asked. Her parents had never been coddlers for which she was eternally grateful, but now they were coddling. Eighteen was not the time to start coddling one's child. It led to serious wiggins on the child part.

"No, she's not so much freaking about this. When she found out about the

Slayer thing there was major freakage, but this, this is more 'I want quality time with my child before she dies a horrible death' kind of thing. She's just trying to get it all in," Buffy said.

"Aren't you ever afraid?" Cordelia asked, turning to look at Buffy.

"Afraid of what?" Buffy asked, looking at her.

"Dying," Cordelia answered.

"Not really, I mean I've been there before. I'm not exactly in a rush to go back you know, but I'm not afraid," Buffy answered after a moment. "I can't be, the job doesn't allow for it."

"Job or not it's scary," Cordelia said.

"That's true, but if you think about it too much, if let the fear and the doubt in you'll die. I've come to the conclusion that slaying is just as much about attitude as it is about--"

"Being a Superchick," Cordelia volunteered.

"Yes, although I wouldn't have put it that way," Buffy responded. "It's kind of finding the right balance I guess. I mean I'm practically an old lady in Slayer years. Kendra didn't have enough attitude, and Faith has too much, I'm pretty much in the middle most of the time but when I sway too much to one side that's when hospitals usually become involved," Buffy continued.

"So you've never been afraid?" Cordelia asked.

"Sure I've been afraid, I just can't let it become the usual. I was afraid when I got that letter from Faith saying she had taken you. I was afraid when I saw her hit you, I was afraid when I saw her flip the switch. I'm actually afraid a lot, I don't think that's a bad thing though unless you let the fear rule you," Buffy answered. She tried not to think about these things too much but she knew that she had to talk about them with Cordelia, it was the least she could do if they were going to continue being together. And she wanted to stay together very much.

"I don't think I could do it," Cordelia commented a moment later, looking up at the stars once again.

"I think you could," Buffy told her. "Remember Homecoming? I think you handled yourself pretty well. I mean you saved my life which was a nice change of pace. In fact I think you're a lot braver than you're giving yourself credit for. I think a lot of people are a lot braver than they give themselves credit for. You, don't have to be out here, battling vampires, getting sucked into hell and stuff."

"I do what I do when I do it because I don't want to die. Not dying is really the motivating force behind my actions. That's not bravery, it'sàit's self preservation. It's all very Darwinian," Cordelia responded.

"What do you think I'm doing out there? Not dying is a very good idea," Buffy responded. "The thing is if you weren't out there you wouldn't have to worry about dying, so it's the being out there part that's brave."

"Were you always like this badass chick?" Cordelia asked not being able to picture Buffy any other way.

"No," Buffy said, laughing, "I used to be a lot like..."

"Me?" Cordelia asked.

"Once again not how I would've put it, but something like that. When I was first called I didn't even want to train because it made me sweat, and I tried numerous times to quit because I got dirty and broke nails," Buffy said shaking her head. "I never could've picture me now back then, and it's hard to think of myself back then now. You just never know what to expect."

"Like us," Cordelia commented leaning over to face Buffy once again.

"Yeah, exactly like us. I mean, who would have thought it? But here we are."

"I know I wouldn't have thought it, but I'm glad it is," Cordelia revealed.

"So am I," Buffy told her leaning over and bringing their lips together. Cordelia moved her hand to the back of Buffy's neck deepening the kiss, drawing the smaller girl closer to her.

"So where do we go from here?" Cordelia asked when they parted.

"Oh, I don't know. I've got a couple of ideas though," Buffy responded.

"Go with the flow?" Cordelia questioned smiling.

"Something like that," Buffy answered bringing their lips together once again.


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