IN AN INSTANT
They say that what you do in an instant determines the person you are. The decisions you make in a second are the ones that affect your life the most. The things that happen to you, the things that you do, the things that you fail to do change everything, in an instant.
My life, it seems, exists entirely in that instant. The instant my mother was raped I came into being and since then I've been living in the instant of change. The instant someone’s life is changed forever, I am there. That instant is where I live, where I breathe, where I try to find meaning in meaningless acts.
Change always happens in an instant. One moment there's one thing and then you blink and there's something else. Just a blink and everything is different.
Love is the ultimate instant. One moment you are thinking about some inconsequential thing and the next you're thinking 'I think I'm in love' and everything changes. In little ways. In big ways. Things change.
Alex and I lived in that instant. Both of us had our careers which made little room for anything more then an occasional bed buddy. We both also existed in male dominated fields which had definite opinion on our bed buddy status. However for us, the instant was enough. There was no need for anything more. No words of love. No poems with pretty words. All we had were those moments, those instants, where two bodies become one. It was enough, for both of us.
Then in an instant even that changed.
Alex was shot.
I thought she was dead.
When I saw her alive, I saw everything that we could have had together. That we could have been so much more then what we were. That we could have had something special.
"Come with me, Olivia."
"I told them about us." Alex said in barely a whisper, "Come with me."
What could I say to that? Could I give up everything I have spent my entire life working for, to go with her? Is everything you've always wanted better then everything you've always needed? And which one was she offering me?
In an instant I knew that was the question I had to answer.
And I only had an instant to decide.