(originally posted under the name Whosays)
The young blonde woman sat, seemingly relaxed, at a table near the
corner of the tavern. She followed the progress of her leather-clad
companion across the crowded floor, then closed her eyes and waited.
Xena strolled slowly from one end of the bar to the other, eying the
assortment of men lined up before her, looking very much as if she were
inspecting her troops. The objects of her scrutiny responded in ways as
varied as the men themselves, some glancing nervously anywhere but at
this woman who could only be the Warrior Princess, some gazing,
open-mouthed, into the pools of azure blue paralyzing their brains, if
not their bodies, others hoping against hope that the Princess was in
the mood to play conquering warlord tonight.
Midway through her inspection, Xena paused before a good looking
young man. Her lips pursed thoughtfully, Xena's eyes raked over his
face, then dropped to his chest, down his legs and back up again.
Suddenly, she shoved her fingers into his mouth and pried open his lips
to peer at his teeth. She released his face and grabbed his shoulder,
twirling him around for further review. "You're not bad," she
The recipient of her praise recovered enough to seize the opportunity
of a lifetime, and reached out his hands to her waist. "As a matter
of fact, I'm pretty good," he said.
"Get your paws off me!" she barked, swiping his hands away,
then grabbed his shirt and pulled him toward the corner. As they drew
near, Xena pointed at the attractive young woman seated alone at the
table. "You're for her."
Hmm. His eyes roved over the tiny, scrumptious form. This one
seemed even better, actually--a little less intimidating. Looked good to
He dug into his shirt and pulled out some coins, tendering them to
the woman's procurer. "OK. Ten dinars."
Blue eyes darkened, and the warrior yanked his face to within an inch
of her own.
"All right! Fifteen!" He scrambled for another coin.
"She is not a cheap whore!" Xena hissed. "You'll bed
her for nothing!"
"I--" He blinked at her. "Huh?"
But Xena had turned her attention elsewhere. "Gabrielle, let's
go." She jerked her head toward the stairs, watching the smaller
woman rise and walk in that direction.
The confused soldier, who was beginning to think that someone was
playing a very cruel trick on him, followed behind her, his eyes
alternating between the young woman's firm rear and his fellow tavern
patrons. As they neared the stairway, he paused, waiting, but still
there was no roar, no laughter from his friends at a joke well played .
. . . A shove from behind encouraged him to pick up the pace, and he
stumbled up the first couple of stairs.
The trio entered the small room, and the Warrior Princess slammed the
door behind them. He twisted his head around to look at her, and stopped
short at the expression on her face. She wasn't too happy about
something, that was for sure.
Xena strode across the floor and dropped into a chair beside the bed.
She crossed her legs, a dark boot swinging back and forth as the blonde
woman began to unlace her top. The soldier pulled at his own shirt, then
glanced nervously at their observer. "Uh, are you--"
"I'm staying," Xena interrupted. "I'm here to make
sure you don't do anything ," her lip curled,
"inappropriate." She unsheathed her sword and laid it on the
table, one hand resting on the hilt.
He froze in place, his libido fading along with his bravado, and in a
swift motion the soldier turned and fled.
Gabrielle sighed and flopped down on the bed. "Xena," she
said, "if you don't want to do this, just say so."
Xena sat beside her. "Why do you say that? Of course I want to.
I want a child as much as you do."
Gabrielle gently laid her hand over the warrior's. "Then you'll
have to deal with the fact that I'm going to have to . . . you
"Hey, I am dealing with it. I don't know what that guy's
The bard rolled her eyes. "Uh huh."
* * * * *
Gabrielle finished unlacing her top and reached for the tie on her
skirt. Her new suitor, another tall brunette, was already barechested,
his tongue hanging out as he tugged eagerly at his belt, his eyes glued
to the young woman's emerging skin. Gradually, he became aware of the
dark-haired woman beside the bed. "You gonna sit there?" he
"I'm here to--"
"Watch!" Gabrielle broke in. "She likes to watch.
Don't you, Xena?" She directed a meaningful glare at the other
Xena's nostrils flared. "Yeah," she growled. "I love
The young man's pants hit the floor, and he stepped out of them.
"Well, three's company, I figure," he chuckled, then suddenly,
to Gabrielle's horror, he crossed over to the seated warrior and pulled
down his undershorts. "Wanna get us started?"
Gabrielle reached out a hand, but it was too late. The naked man
emerged from their room in a blur, landing with a thud against the wall.
His trousers were propelled into his face soon after, followed by his
balled-up shirt, and then the door slammed shut again.
Gabrielle sighed and flopped down on the bed. "OK, we really
need to work on this plan."
* * * * *
Gabrielle raised the sheet invitingly and her eager admirer slid
underneath, scooting on top of her with a lustful chuckle. He lowered
his face for a kiss, but before his lips reached their destination, his
head was yanked back by a hand pulling hard on his shoulder-length hair.
He had almost forgotten about the stern presence sitting beside the
bed. No kissing. OK . . . . He reached a hand under the sheet, and the
bard's eyes widened.
The sheet was whisked off the bed, and Xena grabbed his hand from its
resting place on Gabrielle's breast. "I thought so," she
snapped. "No fondling."
"Uh . . . OK . . . ."
Gabrielle touched the flustered man's face to get his attention.
"You can still . . . you know." She lightly poked a finger
against his hip.
He looked down at her, momentarily forgetting what he was doing, and
then the import of her words sank in. Oh, yeah. He slid his hands down
the smooth flesh of her thighs, and with a groan positioned himself
comfortably between them. Soon, so soon, he would have this luscious
young thing . . . so beautiful, so delicious . . . . He growled, losing
himself in the moment, and hungrily lowered his lips to the girl's
The warrior's palm whacked the back of his head, and he looked up at
her, slightly dazed. "No--" she seemed unable to find the
words -- "any of that."
The young man's gaze shifted away from Xena and down between his
legs. Gabrielle's eyes followed his line of sight, and she sighed. A
moment later, the deflated man scrambled from the room, and Gabrielle
took Xena's hand between hers. "Xena, we need to let them . . . um
. . . enjoy themselves a little. You know, keep their enthusiasm
up." She studied Xena's face. "OK?"
* * * * *
The young man climbed eagerly into bed with the blonde beauty.
"Xena, were you going to guard the door while we--"
Gabrielle hesitated. "For a while?"
The warrior ground her teeth as she stared at the couple huddled
together beneath the sheet. Finally, Xena got to her feet and trudged
reluctantly toward the door. "Yeah," she said. "I
forgot." Her eyes narrowed at one half of the bundle on the bed.
"I'll be right outside."
"OK." The bard smiled lovingly at her. "I'll see you
in a little while."
The impatient young man barely registered the sound of the door
closing, his teeth nibbling at the bard's neck.
"Don't make a mark," Gabrielle gasped.
"I'm gonna make my mark, all right," he uttered. His hands
slid down and grasped her breasts, and Gabrielle closed her eyes,
opening them abruptly again at the loud moan that emitted from his
"Shhh," she warned.
"Oh, wench," he said, "you feel too good to keep
"No, I mean it. Really. Shhh," Gabrielle urged.
"Here," she invited, moving her thighs further apart.
"Why don't you go ahead and--"
"Mmm. In a minute." He nuzzled her collarbone. "Good
things come to those who wait."
"Not if you don't keep quiet," she said. "I really
think you should go ahead and do it right now." A thought occurred
to her. "Um . . . I am so hot for you . . .," she whispered.
"I want you inside me," she moaned, warming to this new form
of storytelling. "I can't wait another second . . . ."
He raised his head. "Oh, yeah . . . louder, baby . . . I want to
hear you . . . ."
"Sorry, that's as loud as I get," she replied. "Gotta
rest my voice -- I'm a bard." Gabrielle nodded encouragingly as his
hand slid down her thigh, then grimaced as his moaning resumed at even
higher levels. "Come on. I really think now would be a good time
She brightened as he reached down between his legs -- Finally!
she thought, and then -- No! -- he groaned noisily in
anticipation . . . . Gabrielle shook her head, resigned to the
A moment later, she looked down at the unconscious form on the floor.
"I'm sorry, Gabrielle," Xena said, avoiding her lover's gaze.
"I just couldn't take it any more."
Gabrielle smiled. "I know." She watched as Xena heaved the
oblivious suitor through the doorway, then spoke softly. "I have
another idea, Xena . . . ."
Xena looked over to see a blonde eyebrow arched suggestively.
Gabrielle slowly lifted the sheet, and Xena's eyes lit up as she pounced
on the young bard. "Mmmm. Now this I think I can handle . . .
Gabrielle eyed her sternly. "All right, but no kissing."
"You mean, none of this . . .?"
"Mmmm . . . . Well, OK, but no fondling."
"Darn. Nothing like this, huh?"
"Uhhhh . . . ."
"Is there anything else I'm not allowed to do?"
"Mm hmm . . . lots of things -- ohhhh, yeah, that's one of them
. . . ."
"Well, I don't want to overstep my boundaries. I think we'd
better go over each one of them carefully."
"Sounds like a plan . . . ."
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